DATING AT 50ish
Dating at 50..huh!?
I pretty naïve, I thought dating at this age would be a piece of cake. We’re older folks, the BS is out of our systems, this is gonna be great. He should have a job, I gotta job yeahhh!!!… Nooooo BOOOOO!!!!.
My goodness, without getting into specifics what I have experienced is everything I had experienced in my teen years except I am more emotional now..hahaha
I found out certain things, things about me and about this whole age range that is so so important as you navigate this new dating world and this may provide some understanding and the reasoning behind some of the game play, some of the text teasing, ghosting..(WTF) and Fear (age) .. (those dudes lordy be)
I actually hate this question.. what you looking for? This is how I want to answer that question: “Well, I am looking for my Great LOVE, someone that has my back that likes when I laugh, that is there when I cry that knows im crazy sometimes, but that I am truthful and believes in me. That pushes me up when I am down and to whom I would do the same, that when we lock arms we are a united front and will break the chains together and be a force of love, and everyone will write #relationshipgoals under our pic on Instagram”
But what I acutually say: “A friendship and companion for now, then we will see what happens”… and he responds “Cool”
Anywho, so here is what I realized, that there are at least three umbrellas in this dating world that needs to be managed as we are out here dating, especially being older, at least I know more about me.
Emotional management: So being out here dating, lordy lordy lordy… Been married, out here taking care of kids, rising in my career, started a couple of businesses so I am good. I dated alittle and then *BAM* (imagine the sky exploded)
I met someone that checked all my boxes and that we were gonna be in love forever and he likes me and l like him ( in my prepubesent, fangirl voice) and this was all on the first date. I texted like a crazy person, blurted out all my fears, hopes, and dreams like a job interview, I cried, I told him allllll of my life and wouldn’t shut up, I begged, I pleaded and guess what I was really telling him….”Im lonely, I didn’t know it but I really, really, really freakin lonely”
I screwed up immensely, I was a hot hellva mess.
Needless to say, that didn’t last long at all… He ran for the hills ( I wanna say sorry so bad, but I think he would call the police on me)
But emotional understanding of self is important, especially in this age range. Mostly because we have either been divorced, separated, long lasting commitment, children, loves and losses. So we have built up armor, we have built up time, we have built up barriers and many of us have no idea, we are hurt, lonely, depressed, insecure until we find ourselves faced with whom we deem is the “one.” And the see Crazy comes out, when it’s probably just fear.
Were human, it’s okay to be scared. The right one will understand and stay, those not ready, let em go.
Time Management: (not what you think)
Some of us think, this is it.. I gots to “sew all these here oats before I leave,” because I spent too much time locked up. So (men and women) are out here hittin everything they can like a pinball machine. Men getting with all the young girls before their backs and pockets break and the ladies getting the young dudes all spun up before their purses empty, or their allowance dries up. ( Yall young boys know yall aint got no money) haahaah..Sorry.. I love you.
Just slow down…. If you have to get it out your system (newly separated, Divorced folks….ooookay) but slow down, you don’t want the bad rep, bad debt and loneliness after. Because the right ones, are not doing all that, they are the ones sitting down watching you act a fool.
Another form of time Management.. Spending “quality” time. When you are this age, you figure “hell I can travel and I can hang, my kids are grown so this should be great.” But some men and women, spend much of their time in their jobs, businesses, companies (another talk later about career management for those over 40) But the time is not there. Again this is part of Emotional management as well, because you maybe a person that spent much of their time in a lonely marriage, or not married at all and you are looking for more than a companion. Getting a text on Monday, then another on Friday then a good morning on the following Tuesday and then you go out on Thursday and you get another text the following Wednesday is “Bull” for some… If you know that about yourself don’t try to force it. Just be patient and if its just not working, don’t be afraid to say that.
And I didn’t mention the men with kids or kids on the weekends either. Soooo yea you get it.
I may be off on this, but this is what I feel is true, if a man and/or woman wants that time with you, then they will make that time with you. You will become a priority and so it may be best to not expect a great love affair at the beginning if months have past and the every other day texts and fly- by- night meet and greets is the bulk of your relationship then you may want to communicate, your dating language or even “I like you” language, then stay or keep it moving.
So this is a good one, oooh wee. Now I don’t play games with this one. At this age, we are building retirement plans, working on fostering a nest egg for ourselves so anybody that is coming to you, one would hope they are well established so that finances are the last thing to think about.
Well well…. Do remember, child support and Divorce can be expensive, children too, so as much as we want to have someone come to us without financial burdens nibbling at their pockets, it happens.
What I don’t want you to do is dump somone because of their finances, because the other pieces are there, but have that conversation, everyone’s retirement looks different.
So there you go, it can be a trying time as this age group, there are a lot more married folks, so you want to navigate smartly, manage your emotions, make better choices and walk in a prideful self respectful loving, truthful way and you will be blessed, I promise you. Those that seek and walk otherwise keep them away.
and stay off of TINDER!!!, (if you are looking for a relationship anyway)