Toxicity: A life of Avoidance
“I hate my job”, “I hate where I live”, “and I hate my life!!!”
How many times have we awakened with these statements. Yet, I would ask “Do you?”, “Do you really”? or do you just hate the people around you. Can you cycle through your life right now and see the positive directions you have been traveling towards or can you navigate through all the times you left jobs, or moved because you didn’t like the people. Cycling through a monotonous momentum of circumstantial directionless moves instead of purposeful progressive decisions.
You may find your entire life has been dictated by “avoidance” but you have told yourself its “progression” and yet you wonder, why you are in same job, you meet the same people or you are in the same relationship.
A life of Avoidance
Traveling through your existence with your finger pointing upward waving from left to right, gesturing “NO” each time you are faced with persons you don’t like. Keeping away, or withdrawing from the undesirable and escaping. But there is nowhere to go but up.
I told my children that if anyone tells you that after high school you never have to see these people again, lied to you. You will see these same people all the time. The clicks, the bullies, the elite, the commoners, the in style, the out of style, they exist everywhere. High school is training ground to learn how to deal, not to avoid.
You learn how to deal because we as parents and leaders are supposed to teach you how to deal with these issues. We are not supposed to turn you around, we are supposed to turn them into it, so that they learn how to stand and face feel a little hurt and pain, but celebrate the triumphs. Somewhere we are failing at this as parents, because children are growing up and running away from what’s hard, running away from people, running away from the very things that are designed to rip the band aid off and enter that wound so you learn what the pain feels like so you can conquer it.
When there are too many duties and responsibilities at your job, do you shut down? When you not given the promotion or raise, do you demand why? When a person tells you, you are not good enough, do you stand in your worth and face them eye-to-eye?
Avoidance can change your directions, your career path creating a cyclical pattern where you are seemingly continuously moving but always winding up in the same spot.
“What” to do?
If you are always pondering the “Why” in your life, then take the time to look for the “what”
- Ask yourself: “What do I want?”
- if you can remember that great career, maybe great people and you turned away from it and fell into something undesirable. Revisit the what in those things. “What did you like?”
- If you find what it is, that nugget that, that bright light of a thing you want back. Then ask yourself “What can i do”?
Be You, Dealing with Toxic People
Dealing with people can be the most taxing experience. Unless you live “off the grid” you are going to deal with human beings and you are going to have to learn how to love, accept, talk to, and navigate around toxic people.
The best advice I got…..“Do you”!!!
Do not come outside of yourself. Cursing, fussing, fighting, name calling, dirty antics does nothing. If someone has wronged you then seek the higher road, try to see above them (unless they are tall) look around them haha.. But don’t sink their level because when you get up out the ditch and shake off the dust you are going to look in the mirror and you will see them.
Maintain, Maintain, Maintain and put them on notice
Keep interactions brief and the topics light, don’t let them send you down the rabbit hole of complaining and arguing. Remember you are in control, and keep in mind that toxic people will wait for that moment to pounce on anything in order to spin it to their toxic advantage.
You: “Yes I think I will apply for this management position, I have the skills”
Toxic Person: “Well it doesn’t matter, you shouldn’t waste your time, they only want their own for those jobs, they probably have somebody waiting in line to take it anyway. Plus you haven’t even been here long enough why you would try.”
You: Yea you right….
Toxic Family members:
Problem with family members is that many times they only see us as we were. They knew us when…. they remember when we did…. And they can’t see the growth, the progress, the betterment, they only see the past.
Communication, Communication And lastly Communication.
Sometimes you just can’t avoid family members and maybe you can’t set the time limits like you want. If you can’t communicate your feelings then always communicate positivity, or always keep the subjects away from you, or whatever the toxicity triggers are.
Some toxic behaviors, especially amoungst family members can be a way of life, because no one has ever set standards or boundaries. They have been enabled, and allowed to continue. So you may be the first one to tell them to “back off” and/or navigate around their behavior. Its okay, they will get over it and you will be better for it.
Who is toxic?
If you are already in a negative headspace how would you know who is toxic and who is not?
First check your energy levels. Are you depleted when you deal with these people? Do you feel bad or worse after being with them? Are they feeding you? Do they speak life, require upward movement from you, and lift your chin when it’s down? And lastly do they celebrate you? So they commend your #wins and hug your losses?
If you asked yourself these questions and you realize you are surrounded, compounded by these people.
- Then put them on the and on notice,
- limit your time with them,
- find a moment to yourself and start speaking life to YOU!!!Join,
- visit and talk to likeminded people.
Remember Toxicity can spoil and taint all that you have worked for. Don’t give people power over you. .