Redemption, Forgiveness and Restoration

In our darkest moments even the most faithful worship warrior may look to a person for their salvation and redemption. To be saved from our sins, saved from ourselves, our mistakes and saved from our failures. We reach out our hands to people who are friends, family, and companions to dive in and prevent the very things we were probably delivered from years ago but cannot seem to let go. When people have been the ones to drag you into your personal hell, then shouldn’t people help you out of it? One of the worst things I ever did was cry out to someone in a spiritual agony wanting to be saved, looking for the words to snap me out of my despair. Why was it the worst thing? Because I’m sure it frightened them, put them in a terrible position and ultimately they distanced themselves from  me.  

Redemption in the context of people can also mean buying back or repaying your debt for something . “How can I repay you for what I have done?”  In any sense, you cannot count on people, to be your savior  because they will fail you every time. Not on purpose, they don’t know how to save you, what to save you from and even if you are at a crucial salvation.  You can be shown  the direction to take, but you have to walk it. You can be told  who to call and how to call them but you have to pick up the phone. My point is,  as much as we want and wish that someone could save us from ourselves, or save us from being foolish we have to help ourselves. This may mean a lonely and fearful walk but you will come out stronger, because  now you will be provided the information needed on your triggers, and how to save and handle yourself.

Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, in the storms your heart and soul may seem to  crack but it is aligning itself to allow your love to flow into a forgiveness of self 


When you seek forgiveness you must forgive yourself first. The worse part of our travels, our journeys is that many of us we cannot move on unless we try to shore up the holes we have opened along the way.  It can break you awaiting for someone to forgive you . Hoping that somehow a person that forgives you will close the wound and keep it from festering into gain green. Its freeing when you forgive and gain forgiveness Forgiveness gives you license to move forward, you may not get it from a person or have the ability to gain it, but you can always foregive yourself.  But gaining forgiveness is:. 

Forgiveness is allowing God To take care of it . Trust that GOD will see you through, that you gain the forgiveness from him and forgive yourself.

Forgiveness is learning What you don’t want to happen again, tolerate, or open yourself to. And this is also learning who you can trust

Forgiveness is not the same as reconciling. We can forgive someone even if we never can get along with him again. 

Forgiveness is a step it’s part of a process It may take time not only to forgive yourself but to understand and be free emotionally spiritually and physically You may need help or support. Don’t be afraid to ask.

Forgiveness cannot be rushed: Even In forgiveness of self pain comes with the territory, In today’s society everything is rushed, and with pain we want it gone quickly. But be mindful, you can mask wounds by not dealing with someone and believing by simply saying or gaining forgiveness We have completed a process. You truly have just begun and must have a healing process as you move forward.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It’s normal for memories to be triggered in the future. When thoughts of past hurts occur, it’s what we do with them that counts. When we find ourselves focusing on a past offense, we can learn to say, “Thank you, God, for this reminder of how important forgiveness is.” 

People will continue to hurt us through life. Or you may inadvertently hurt someone either way you can choose your route stay stuck or forgive and keep pushing whilst trusting GOD will see you through

I recently made amends with a family member and I didn’t realize how freeing it was and how important it was to receive forgiveness. I believe it was freeing for both us and it opened a new chapter in my life of freedom and to be restored. 


 How are you restored? Or like Peace, what does restoration look like? The new you? A new look on life? A new way of being, a new narrative? Whatever it is and how ever it is defined, Restoration has so many looks it can be faith and has more to do with whats within you than the outward you.

Restoration is knowing the real issues, understanding what needs to be restored. What was forgiven and what was broken that is being healed

Restoration is a healing process. It may take some time, As in forgiveness because in Restoration you are now open and waiting to be filled. And you are given the permission to become.

Understand that restoration or restoring the you. Is necessary as you move up and on to better things. It’s a mindset of newness and a new way of being.

It  Saving yourself through faith and strength, forgiving yourself and finally waking up to be the new you you always saw yourself being.


Everyone wants to tell you to get over the issues in your life. That there will come a time where the problems and pain are afterthoughts. The “Why” you keep screaming every night before you sleep, will be replaced with a person, a place a drink, a smoke and you will soon forget the “why” the “who” and you will carry on as if nothing happened.

But you can’t let that happen. As Steve Harvey so eloquently stated it is Fertilizer.

Its your dreams, your heart, your job, your money all in a large hole of your mind. It sticks there for a reason, because it needs the water of your purpose and the water of your desires and the water of your dreams. It needs to grow and its stagnate awaiting to be fed.

Someone or something may have thrown that “Dirt” in your face.

  • Your lack of money’
  • Your lack of a job
  • Your dreams
  • Your love

They throw it all in your face..

I say get your catchers mit, catch it all don’t dodge and as soon as you catch it, put it in the ground.

Water it with your dreams, desires, your passion, your purpose, your position and let GOD shine the light upon it and

watch it GROW.

A Murder

an ode to the broken hearted

I want to tell you how I died,

How I walked oblivious into a traffic of lies and deceit, how I was used and abused till finally a sharp tongue sliced my throat and I lay bleeding with my spirit and faith seeping from my body.

I have died before, thinking there was a solid foundation of family and forever, but I slipped and fell on  pictures and prose that cracked the base and stole the  heart and mind of what I thought was secure. I remember falling into a dark abyss crawling, climbing, reaching and then finally there was a light to find my worthiness.

But I didn’t learn and I wasn’t secure, so  I was murdered. 

Before my death I fell to my knees “NOOOO!!!!” Like a child I whimpered “not again,  I don’t want to die again the pain was overwhelming, I am afraid I will not survive it”

As I tremble, I walked back into the abyss, and remain in the dark. This will be a long slumber, for my murderer took his time and dug in deep. He ripped part of my soul and broke a part of my faith and shattered pieces of my spirit. He threw them callously and scattered the bits like a coward, strown across the back of another unwanted soul he has tricked into his lair.

My murderer is free, he was not arrested, wasn’t held accountable. He walked away free. He is the devil, laughing at his luck slapping his tail to and fro.

He got away with a murder in broad daylight!

He laughs at my demise, laying with his minions feeding on my spirit and lapping up my faith with his foul mouth, taking pictures of my pain and as I cry, they laugh, as I whine they smile on their bed filled with rodents, piss and death.

The fools they are

They don’t realize that murderers are eventually convicted

The joke is on them, because  GOD sees this and GOD understands what must be done.

For they are GODLESS. If they knew GOD, then they would have known death. They would known that although my spirit died, that I maintained my faith.

GOD will lift me from this dark place and I will rise and be held tight as I walk through the storm

They will tremble at my awakening they will lose everything ad crumble beneath my light. They will fall to their knees with heaved chests, nightmares, broken spirits and pain engulfing their evil ways and devilish tricks.

Yes they have been convicted and their parole is prayer,

but alas…… the GODLESS do not know how to pray.

© 2020, All Rights Reserved ¦

Expectations Perceptions and Acceptance: Journey to Self Actualization

What is self actualization: the realization or fulfillment of one’s talents or potential. Not what is expected, one is realized.

We all speak and are guided by the expectations put on by ourselves, our parents, friends. We are given the speech of how our lives should be, how your companions, lovers, children shoud be. Unfortunately, when you walk expectation , always set yourself for disappointment, because expectations often are not realized 100 percent, and these can lead to the onset of many insecurities and self doubt.

Not Expectations, How about a goal

Keeping expectations sets you up for disappoint.  So you see yourself, as a millionaire . Okkkayyyy so what made you the money? If you cant answer that, there there is the beginning of your work.

Instead of an expectation, set a goal. Remember all those things that you said you wanted to be, why cant they be real, or at least close. Let these goals be based on what you expect. Think about your expectation for yourself, example: “after college you expect to get a job.”

Write it down, I cannot stress to you enough how important it is to write down your goals, dreams, visions Then realistically look what you need to achieve that goal

And Plan, Plan Plan. I know it is easier said than done, but you can negate the disappointment from an unrealized expectation into an acheiveable goal.

Self Perception,

Ifs important as you are setting goals based on your expectations, that you know how you want to be perceived. Perception is defined as a “mental impression.”  How do want people to see you?  My reputation means being perceived as what I strive to be, honest for the most part, Being a hard worker, etc. for the most part this is how I want to be perceived.

Perceptions can also be a form of planned behaviors, with that being said, might I pass on some minor exercises to unlock your personal identity

Perceptions should also coinside with your goals in life


One would ask how does Acceptance correlate, you may expect to be rich, or to be accepted by your peers or even by the ones you  try so hard to be “like” . But if your expectations are not based on a realistic or achieveable goal, again setting yourself up for failure.

You probably thought, I was goin with: “use expectations in order to be Accepted….. but uh..Nope!!!  I’m saying set achievable goals, period. Acceptance from your friends and your family is a given, if they know who the authentic you are, which is key. But don’t settle for the fake folks who are simply riding your coat tails because they know who you will become. Rise first, those with you will already be at the top, for the others Look down and wave.

The way you see yourself is a learned behavior over a period of time, and if programmed full of negativity, and insecurities that cycle needs to be broken. Only then, can you start of bit of reprogramming, and work on being yourself.