A Murder

an ode to the broken hearted

I want to tell you how I died,

How I walked oblivious into a traffic of lies and deceit, how I was used and abused till finally a sharp tongue sliced my throat and I lay bleeding with my spirit and faith seeping from my body.

I have died before, thinking there was a solid foundation of family and forever, but I slipped and fell on  pictures and prose that cracked the base and stole the  heart and mind of what I thought was secure. I remember falling into a dark abyss crawling, climbing, reaching and then finally there was a light to find my worthiness.

But I didn’t learn and I wasn’t secure, so  I was murdered. 

Before my death I fell to my knees “NOOOO!!!!” Like a child I whimpered “not again,  I don’t want to die again the pain was overwhelming, I am afraid I will not survive it”

As I tremble, I walked back into the abyss, and remain in the dark. This will be a long slumber, for my murderer took his time and dug in deep. He ripped part of my soul and broke a part of my faith and shattered pieces of my spirit. He threw them callously and scattered the bits like a coward, strown across the back of another unwanted soul he has tricked into his lair.

My murderer is free, he was not arrested, wasn’t held accountable. He walked away free. He is the devil, laughing at his luck slapping his tail to and fro.

He got away with a murder in broad daylight!

He laughs at my demise, laying with his minions feeding on my spirit and lapping up my faith with his foul mouth, taking pictures of my pain and as I cry, they laugh, as I whine they smile on their bed filled with rodents, piss and death.

The fools they are

They don’t realize that murderers are eventually convicted

The joke is on them, because  GOD sees this and GOD understands what must be done.

For they are GODLESS. If they knew GOD, then they would have known death. They would known that although my spirit died, that I maintained my faith.

GOD will lift me from this dark place and I will rise and be held tight as I walk through the storm

They will tremble at my awakening they will lose everything ad crumble beneath my light. They will fall to their knees with heaved chests, nightmares, broken spirits and pain engulfing their evil ways and devilish tricks.

Yes they have been convicted and their parole is prayer,

but alas…… the GODLESS do not know how to pray.

© 2020, All Rights Reserved ¦ b50love.com

Text Tease

I think I coined this phrase in my Instagram post last year when a friend mind experienced a “texttease” fiasco with a guy she met on the infamous dating app, Tinder. Of course, I can’t take full credit for the terminology, but, for me at least, it was such a new experience.

Virtual Relationships are the new way forward. In our quick fast, virtual social world, meeting and having a relationship, whist on the phone has become common place

Is it bad though?

No worries about hair or makeup we can just send a filter pic. No need to spend a grip on dinner and dates. Just “cashapp” some coin and she can get what she wants. Hey and when it gets “hot and heavy” just send some videos and risque pics and complete the action in privacy of your own home. No Cuddling needed, skip the bad breath, and morning “WTF” when the alcohol wears off.

Is this really what you want?

Darlenes Story:

I was talking to a guy, we actually met on Instagram. We DM’ed, then we exchanged numbers, and we began texting each other and we texted, and we texted. It seemed like we could never get passed the texting. We would text in the morning, text in the afternoon, in the evening. Funny looking back, I only heard his voice like once. The text became more risque and eventually I asked a simple question, “Could we meet each other go out for drinks”?. He would deflect the conversation and say “Of course, as soon as he could get time, or come back from a trip, or being with his child. There was always an excuse

Carla’s Story:

I was new to the dating game, spent more time taking care of my kids than dating. My friends told me to use TINDER, although it was considered a “Hookup” site, I thought i would give it a try. So I met this guy, hmmm met is a strong word, i actually texted this guy and only met him twice. Initially the texting was harmless, then he started to ask for alot of visuals but would refuse to meet me. I got hotels, I was in his neighborhood, i would get nothing. Then finally, I texted him and said “This is the dumbest thing ever,!!!” and ceased all communication. I think he was married, but how stupid am I? I let this go on for 4 months!!! He must have been Married right?

How many people actually only text as part of a dating relationship?

This is a real thang!!

75% of millennials choose to text over talk, whilst only 24% of those over 40 (had to find that one, would prefer to text) so for us “older folks” its not a great number, so the hope in finding someone who likes to talk is great.

Texting can harm a relationship, with studies showing about 270 people, age ranges were between 18-25 and it spoke of the emotional connection, the comprehension and the over disassociation one has.

But how about people over 50!!!!, oh yes, thinking , I would escape these escapades, but alas, the over 50 crew text like crazy, thumbs, elbows and fingers.

But sexually, I believe that many older people are exploring texting to get the feeling without the feelings…get it. You can text what you want, how you want it and in what way, without the voice, drama, issues and feelings associated with a real person. THis is quite enticing for the older generation.

Why, you ask?

Because we have not learned through devices how to compartmentalize our feelings. We were brought up in the face to face generation where you learned mannerisms and how to woo and court and say the right things without google.


Yep, its harder dating over 50 because majority of folks in this age range are married. So dating apps is the way of the world, but with that many men and women find it also easier to “textcheat”.. Sexual words, having full on sexual escapades exchanging pornography, hell almost an entire relationship, “What did you eat?” What movie did you see? all of the above without seeing each other.

It hard to dicern and even harder to trust, someone that is virtual for 80% of the time. My motto: If you cant see me, then “kick rocks” Its become to easy to text and show than to meet and get to know a person. So being careful and cautious is so important today, more than ever.


Yes there are feelings involved. Just because you text, its not a bot or emptiness that is texting back, these are real live people. That hurt, cry and want to be heard. The texting allows for a repository, a regurgitation, or dare I say a dumping ground for all this going on with you and it allows the person on the other end to respond to you “in kind”. But you, as with us all can become enamored by this, the right words texed at the right time. If you are vulnerable and hurting then this is a welcomed place.

This is a users and manipulators playground. The unsuspecting meet and greet and the ability to live out a fantasy vicariously through text, while leading someone on with thoughts of Relationship grandeur. Hunting and feeding an unsuspecting people via texts in hopes of getting their rocks off, knowing they are in a relationship, married, or just carelessly bouncing through feelings.

How to ensure that this doesn’t happen?

Well you ensure it doesn’t happen, but you can have awareness, Sure you can spend time, googling and checking on someone tracking phone calls but Why? why spend unnecessary energy.

If someone wants to get to really know you, the phone is just a device. An initial means to an end. He/she will meet you, talk to you, get to know you, spend time with you and above all. THe will use the text to set the darn date, not use the text as a date.



Read: Ghosting