Text Tease

I think I coined this phrase in my Instagram post last year when a friend mind experienced a “texttease” fiasco with a guy she met on the infamous dating app, Tinder. Of course, I can’t take full credit for the terminology, but, for me at least, it was such a new experience.

Virtual Relationships are the new way forward. In our quick fast, virtual social world, meeting and having a relationship, whist on the phone has become common place

Is it bad though?

No worries about hair or makeup we can just send a filter pic. No need to spend a grip on dinner and dates. Just “cashapp” some coin and she can get what she wants. Hey and when it gets “hot and heavy” just send some videos and risque pics and complete the action in privacy of your own home. No Cuddling needed, skip the bad breath, and morning “WTF” when the alcohol wears off.

Is this really what you want?

Darlenes Story:

I was talking to a guy, we actually met on Instagram. We DM’ed, then we exchanged numbers, and we began texting each other and we texted, and we texted. It seemed like we could never get passed the texting. We would text in the morning, text in the afternoon, in the evening. Funny looking back, I only heard his voice like once. The text became more risque and eventually I asked a simple question, “Could we meet each other go out for drinks”?. He would deflect the conversation and say “Of course, as soon as he could get time, or come back from a trip, or being with his child. There was always an excuse

Carla’s Story:

I was new to the dating game, spent more time taking care of my kids than dating. My friends told me to use TINDER, although it was considered a “Hookup” site, I thought i would give it a try. So I met this guy, hmmm met is a strong word, i actually texted this guy and only met him twice. Initially the texting was harmless, then he started to ask for alot of visuals but would refuse to meet me. I got hotels, I was in his neighborhood, i would get nothing. Then finally, I texted him and said “This is the dumbest thing ever,!!!” and ceased all communication. I think he was married, but how stupid am I? I let this go on for 4 months!!! He must have been Married right?

How many people actually only text as part of a dating relationship?

This is a real thang!!

75% of millennials choose to text over talk, whilst only 24% of those over 40 (had to find that one, would prefer to text) so for us “older folks” its not a great number, so the hope in finding someone who likes to talk is great.

Texting can harm a relationship, with studies showing about 270 people, age ranges were between 18-25 and it spoke of the emotional connection, the comprehension and the over disassociation one has.

But how about people over 50!!!!, oh yes, thinking , I would escape these escapades, but alas, the over 50 crew text like crazy, thumbs, elbows and fingers.

But sexually, I believe that many older people are exploring texting to get the feeling without the feelings…get it. You can text what you want, how you want it and in what way, without the voice, drama, issues and feelings associated with a real person. THis is quite enticing for the older generation.

Why, you ask?

Because we have not learned through devices how to compartmentalize our feelings. We were brought up in the face to face generation where you learned mannerisms and how to woo and court and say the right things without google.

TEXTCHEAT:

Yep, its harder dating over 50 because majority of folks in this age range are married. So dating apps is the way of the world, but with that many men and women find it also easier to “textcheat”.. Sexual words, having full on sexual escapades exchanging pornography, hell almost an entire relationship, “What did you eat?” What movie did you see? all of the above without seeing each other.

It hard to dicern and even harder to trust, someone that is virtual for 80% of the time. My motto: If you cant see me, then “kick rocks” Its become to easy to text and show than to meet and get to know a person. So being careful and cautious is so important today, more than ever.

Feelings.

Yes there are feelings involved. Just because you text, its not a bot or emptiness that is texting back, these are real live people. That hurt, cry and want to be heard. The texting allows for a repository, a regurgitation, or dare I say a dumping ground for all this going on with you and it allows the person on the other end to respond to you “in kind”. But you, as with us all can become enamored by this, the right words texed at the right time. If you are vulnerable and hurting then this is a welcomed place.

This is a users and manipulators playground. The unsuspecting meet and greet and the ability to live out a fantasy vicariously through text, while leading someone on with thoughts of Relationship grandeur. Hunting and feeding an unsuspecting people via texts in hopes of getting their rocks off, knowing they are in a relationship, married, or just carelessly bouncing through feelings.

How to ensure that this doesn’t happen?

Well you ensure it doesn’t happen, but you can have awareness, Sure you can spend time, googling and checking on someone tracking phone calls but Why? why spend unnecessary energy.

If someone wants to get to really know you, the phone is just a device. An initial means to an end. He/she will meet you, talk to you, get to know you, spend time with you and above all. THe will use the text to set the darn date, not use the text as a date.

Love

Tht

Read: Ghosting

Stop Spreading the Infection: Users and Manipulators

Manipulative people are those that use people for their own self gratification, their own needs and self importance. A very disrespectful, and just plain mean display of power. A person that is a chronic user, has issues they themselves are dealing with, and have turned to using and manipulating are not just fulfilling a temporary need, but they are also trying to feel an emptiness within themselves, issues, problems, concerns that they have yet to face. But those peope will play and toss you about like a cat with a ball of ribbon, like a tool to get their work done and to satisfy their own narcissistic needs until the task for the feeling is complete. They will not compromise, unless there is gain for themselves and knowing them is temporary as well. You may have whirlwind of a time while with them but once you are used up, you are used up and poof they are in the wind.

I think we have all have been perpetrators in these deeds in one way shape, or form for money, time. etc. Most of us know it, either feel bad about it or move on from the person, maintaining awareness of the deed and making amends in their own way. But the consumate user, those are to whom  I am speaking. Those that specifically target a person’s weakness, kindness, love and joyfulness and attempt to harness it to be used to their advantage whilst draining the poor unsuspecting person.  

They spread an infection!!!, they spread an infection of hurt, hate, loss, pain. Those they use go off and either hurt others, or guard their heart emotions and they block a potential blessing of love, because they now live in fear.

Infected and now Living in Fear:

You have been used, manipulated and discarded. You have been drained and used to a point that you are unsure how to love, if you can love, and how to trust.

You must get to a point of building and maintaining self worth and understanding that love and kindness not only exisit but that you deserve it. That the person that has used you and targeted you, has their own problems they may have fed on you like a plate of meatloaf, gravy with a side of tators, but you can rebuild and rejuvenate. Look at at they used you for, they never saw the YOU!!!, so the manipulation although it was you that was hurt, it was not you that they wanted. So don’t look at yourself as the problem, the person, the user was the problem. They just wanted what you had, so take solace that they only wanted to fulfill a need like a vampire.

Infected and wanting to hurt others:

Then you are left with a pile of mess, Fear, pain, worry, self doubt and heart break. You want revenge, you want them to hurt. You have to realize they are alrady hurt and already in pain that why they do what they do. If you begin hurting others and using and manipulating, you become them. You lose yourself that you are working so hard to build, you will become something that will block the blessing of the right person to walk into your life. You must not work on revenge, but being able to rebuild with help from God and recognizing you meant nothing, but a means to an end for them. It may take time and you may never see it, but trust me they will reap what they sow if they continue this path. You have to continue a msssion to right their wrongs and hopfully call them out with your success. To inform them by your growth that they did not win.  

Triage for yourself

Ask yourself a few questions:

What is it about you? Are you lonely, do you have your own proclivity’s that someone could  feed off of? Do you require a lot of time, and conversation? Is it money, or lack there of? What is it they used and manipulated you for, and start to work on guarding that. If its your heart, love, emotions then watch for the signs, how to detect them, what grabbed your heart, your soul, and then you can guard against them. Don’t share your woes with anybody, until they have earned the right to receive and know about you. Users can spot pain, issues they will feed on it. Learn from this and but don’t repeat their actions, don’t hurt innocent people because you have been hurt, you will spread more fear more pain until it has infected the masses.

NO!!!! Self-Blame

Its their mission, that’s what they do, on to the next one. You were just a means to an end, an agenda marked off on their calendar. You may have been targeted, used you, hurt you but they are the ones who are wrong. Of course you will blame yourself, once you awaken from the fog of deceit, you will realize who they were. 

Remember, Maniuplators, users, bullies are all people built full of insecurities full of their own pain and instead of facing it they have chosen to punish others. They themesleves have been victims and have been abused. But don’t have pity for these people, because they have chozen to target the innocent and feed and temporaty place a band aid over their own wounds. 

Just be happy that they moved on, think about what you were doing, what they did for you and what could have happened if they stayed. Good Riddens and if they are still in your life, Let them go and move on!!!





I often wish I could scream atop the highest mountain
And warn of you
I saw you coming but I did not duck, I walked into the line
Of fire
So how can I complain for being shot and bleeding
I am healing, you have gone and I have survived although wounded
you did not win
God has seen your wickedness and although I cannot 
Point and shout “He is not who he says he is”!!!
I will simply be still, for God will handle this
God will be victorious
You will lie upon the heap of hearts you have broken, as yours
Is bleeding from his vengeance

Just know I see you!!!!!